Joke of The Day!

[MightyMouse 12]

The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar. It was too tense for some.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

you're pushing it too far.......watch language please

 

TW

 

it is christmas and I was being generous to all scammers operating message boards for scamming new unsuspecting visitors.The joke was a true story about scammers operating another message board.

 

glass, glass garlics is your true image , I suspected you for a long time.

 

My deep guilty concgience is now clear .

 

You are free to ban me.

[bobcollett 10]

Hi Oily

I see you come from the UK....so judging by your smutty posts....

I guess thats Edmonton, London, or Toxteth, Liverpool.

bobc

[Guest OILFXPRO]

oilfxpro WAS BANNED BY MANY MESSAGE BOAT SCAMMERS

 

These scammers found trading tough and ran message boards

[kuokam 10]

I fail to find the joke in some messages, but I believe it is my poor language level.

Poor me wasting time to open messages I can't even understand...

[GlassOnion 12]

I fail to find the joke in some messages, but I believe it is my poor language level.

Poor me wasting time to open messages I can't even understand...

 

I hear you.

 

Does anyone know what a "Message Boat" is ?

[MightyMouse 12]

I hear you.

 

Does anyone know what a "Message Boat" is ?

 

I think he meant board instead of boat. But, I think you can use either in the original post and the message will be the same.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

I hear you.

 

Does anyone know what a "Message Boat" is ?

 

It is queer to educate the world when one can can not succeed at learning at the subject , you get help from some idiot who never succeeded , somebody who failed at it .Trading is tough and you get some queer person learn you how to make money on some internet scamming site..

[Guest OILFXPRO]

why do forum queers delete good threads and keep poor content?

 

To earn from advertising of queer content or profit from their agenda.

 

They want to make it more intereting for readers in search o a needle in a haystack.

 

Misinformation is good information for queers.

[kuokam 10]

This must be an illustration of my poor English I was alluding. I know of brokers' boats but what does a message boat look like, Sir?

 

 

I think he meant board instead of boat. But, I think you can use either in the original post and the message will be the same.

[kuokam 10]

The French would say " les blagues les plus courtes sont les meilleures"

blague=joke

courte=short

meilleure=best

[SIUYA 11]

For those who like tweeting, twerking or both at the same time.

 

15 Best Finance Tweets of the Year: 2013

[Guest OILFXPRO]

On his 76th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

 

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation

who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction

 

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket

to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

 

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,

'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, then say '1-2-3.'

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been

and you can perform as long as you want."

 

The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,

"How do I stop the medicine from working?"

 

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does,

the medicine will not work again till the next full moon."

 

He was eager to see if it worked. He went home, showered, shaved,

took a spoonful of the potion, then invited his wife

to join him in the bedroom.

 

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

 

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,

and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

 

And that, boys and girls, is why we never end our sentences

with a preposition, because we end up

with a dangling participle.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

Trader is informed , his brain is not wired for trading , it is wired for him to fail at trading.He comes to a laboratory to rewire the brain for trading.After rewiring the brain starts short circuiting .He goes for another rewiring ,finally he gives up trading and becomes a vendor and snake oil salesman.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

Gordon Brown was looking for a call girl

 

He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

 

To the blonde he said, 'I am the Prime Minister of England. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

 

She replied, "£200."

 

To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was £100.

 

He then asked the redhead.

 

Her reply was, "Mr Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my flat and fuck me the way you have the pensioners, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody penny!'

[handle 10]

Heaven vs. Hell

 

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the cars are German, the lovers are Italian, and it is all organized by the Swiss.

 

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the cars are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians.

[GlassOnion 12]

The Penis Study. The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and three years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After two weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and two cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

[Mysticforex 13]

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.

 

One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"

 

The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."

 

Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."

 

The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"

 

The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."

[Mysticforex 13]

Three nuns are talking. The first nun says, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nun asks. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun says, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasp the other nuns. "What did you do?" they ask. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replies. The third nun faints.

[SIUYA 11]

does this remind you of some internet arguments.

 

[GlassOnion 12]

Is it Funny?

 

BASED on a TRUE STORY

 

M: Name of the game, move the money from your clients pocket. Into your pocket.

 

J: Right. But if you can make the clients money, at the same time, isn't that advantageous everyone, correct?

 

M: No, okay, number one rule of wall street. Nobody... Okay, if you are Warren Buffet or Jimmy Buffet, nobody knows if a stock's going up, down or sideways fu..ing in circle...

 

M: It's all in "Furgazy". You know what Furgazy is?

 

J: Yeah, "Furgazy".. It's a fake..

 

M: Yeah, Furgazy, it's fegazy, it's a wuzzy, it's..

 

M: Fairy dust, it doesn't exist. It's never landed, that is no matter, it's not on the elemental charge. It's not fu..ing real! Alright?

 

J: Alright.

 

M: Stay with me. We don't create shit. We don't build anything.

 

J: No.

 

M: So, if you got a client. Who brought a stock at 8, and now it's at 16.

 

M: He is all fu..ing happy, he wants to cash it, and liquidate.

 

J: He wants to take his money and run home.

 

M: You don't let them do that.

 

J: Okay.

 

M: Because that would make it real.

 

J: Right.

 

M: Now, what do you do? You got another bright idea. A special idea. Another situation, another stock, to reinvest his earnings and then some.

 

M: And he will, every single time. As they're fu..ing addicted. And you just keep doing this, again, and again, and again.

 

M: Meanwhile, he thinks, he is getting shit rich, on paper.

 

M: But you and me, the brokers? We taking home cold hard cash.

 

J: Right! That's incredible, sir.

[Mysticforex 13]

Here in the U.S. we used to have Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs.

Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.

 

PLEASE don't let Kevin Bacon die !

[Mysticforex 13]

Q. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

 

A. Hey! let's go play with our bikes.

[Tedy 10]

Wife: Honey my stomach is getting bigger i think i am pregnant!

 

Husband: Ya, and i know who's the daddy !!!!

 

Wife : Who ?

 

Husband : McDonalds / Pizza Hut / Dominoz

[fxpartyguy 10]

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?

A: Microchips!