Joke of The Day!

[kuokam 10]

“Economists have predicted 10 of the last 3 recessions.” -

[SIUYA 11]

Church Ladies With Typewriters

 

\They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

[SIUYA 11]

for those so inclined.....

 

Search - Google/Bing/IE - for 'friends of Irony images'

A good laugh to be had.

[Mysticforex 13]

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles...

 

One day Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

 

Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

 

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

 

The waiter says, "I don't know, Señor, I ask the cook." He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Señor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

 

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

 

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once again, Señor."

 

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.

 

The waiter returns and says, "Señor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews."

 

Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."

 

The exasperated waiter says, "Señor, I ask EVERYONE...

 

All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews

[Cory2679 11]

Look at this ad that just appeared on Facebook!!!!! I've decided on the 458 Italia...do you think if I just showed the dealership the ad, they would go ahead and approve the financing now? I'd hate to have to wait.

 

[SIUYA 11]

The joys of the self-employed.

 

 

 

The NZ Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to investigate him.

 

NZTO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

 

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Coruba rum and a dozen Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally"..

 

NZTO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

 

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?

[Mysticforex 13]

My most recent prop job interview:

 

Interviewer: What would you say one of your strengths were?

Me: Honesty.

Interviewer: And what would you say one of your weaknesses were?

Me: Honesty.

 

Interviewer: Really? I don't think honesty is a weakness.

 

Me: I don't give a shit what you think.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

Mongolian VD

 

Whilst in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

 

A week after arriving back home in the States,

he wakes up one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

 

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

 

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,

“I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US, we know very little about it.”

 

The man looks a little perplexed and says,

“Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

 

The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

 

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!”

 

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice.

Go ahead, if you want to, but surgery is your

only option.”

 

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

 

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,

“Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”

 

The guy says to the doctor,

“Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

 

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.

“Stupid American docttah, always want opawate.

Make more money dat way... No need amputate!”

 

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

 

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor,

“Wait two week... Fall off by itself!”

[Guest OILFXPRO]

A real trader ,George Sorros goes to t2w forum and asks why are you all tryingtowin?

They replied we are trading to win.

 

What are you winning ?

 

Unsuspecting gullible new traders who want to try to win.Membership numbers.

[GlassOnion 12]

A real trader ,George Sorros goes to t2w forum and asks why are you all tryingtowin?

They replied we are trading to win.

 

What are you winning ?

 

Unsuspecting gullible new traders who want to try to win.Membership numbers.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

??? And the punch line is ?

[Guest OILFXPRO]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

??? And the punch line is ?

 

We blow our accounts in trying to show them how to win , and end up as paid moderators to make up for our losses.

[Guest OILFXPRO]

Frummer and friend meet in a synagogue , frummer says to his friend “ I can have sex three times a night and still not get tired “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex with the sexiest women three times a night and not get tired “

 

Frummer “I can have sex without paying to the fucking bitch , and I can save money on condoms “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex and the bitches pay me , and they even pay for me plastic “

 

Frummer “ I am a Tottenham supporter , and don’t have to pay“

 

His friend replies “ Their Husbands pay me to go and watch Tottenham , and all the schmocks have to pay for me to watch Tottenham”

[MrFunke 10]

haha all extremely funny!

[bobcollett 10]

Frummer and friend meet in a synagogue , frummer says to his friend “ I can have sex three times a night and still not get tired “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex with the sexiest women three times a night and not get tired “

 

Frummer “I can have sex without paying to the fucking bitch , and I can save money on condoms “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex and the bitches pay me , and they even pay for me plastic “

 

Frummer “ I am a Tottenham supporter , and don’t have to pay“

 

His friend replies “ Their Husbands pay me to go and watch Tottenham , and all the schmocks have to pay for me to watch Tottenham”

 

Hi oilfxpro,

Terrible

bobc

[Mysticforex 13]

haha all extremely funny!

 

 

Hi MrFunke, Welcome to Traderslaboratory ! Glad you are enjoying the humor.

[Cory2679 11]

http://www.traderslaboratory.com/forums/47678-oilfxpro/

[Guest OILFXPRO]

http://www.traderslaboratory.com/forums/47678-oilfxpro/

 

The day of phhooooroom phooooktards is new movie to replace the day of the jackal .

 

What is this movie about ?

 

 

A bunchof trading genuises that hang around forums , they get get locked in a losing game of blind monkey betting on price movements .They blow their accounts and end up as mods and paid mod following idiots.Then they get promoted as soop mods , blow their accounts and set up other fooooooorooooms.

 

After removing the condom teu wore on their head butt , they see george Soros on their fooooooroom , asking why u idiots hanging around forooms?

 

Man repleth we in lab , tying to remove failure geans from our phooking head

[GlassOnion 12]

http://www.traderslaboratory.com/forums/47678-oilfxpro/

 

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[GlassOnion 12]

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

 

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

 

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

[SIUYA 11]

for a good laugh.....

 

39 Test Answers That Are 100% Wrong But Totally Genius At The Same Time | Distractify

[signalsprovider 11]

:):) Very Nice Joke ! :):)

[Capital 10]

I wish I was that witty in elementary school!

[GlassOnion 12]

the MODS will kick you out make no mistake if you continue posting what was here

TW

.

 

I think that was a personal attack. If the Mods had any balls they would ban you from the forum.

 

And I may get banned for saying this, but you are the rudest asshole I have ever come across on a forum.

Edited December 21, 2013 by tradingwizzard

[Guest OILFXPRO]

I think that was a personal attack. If the Mods had any balls they would ban you from the forum.

 

And I may get banned for saying this, but you are the rudest asshole I have ever come across on a forum.

 

The mod is looking for an excuse to ban me , but this joke is not a valid reason.

[tradingwizzard 10]

The mod is looking for an excuse to ban me , but this joke is not a valid reason.

 

you're pushing it too far.......watch language please

 

TW