Jump to content

Welcome to the new Traders Laboratory! Please bear with us as we finish the migration over the next few days. If you find any issues, want to leave feedback, get in touch with us, or offer suggestions please post to the Support forum here.

  • Welcome Guests

    Welcome. You are currently viewing the forum as a guest which does not give you access to all the great features at Traders Laboratory such as interacting with members, access to all forums, downloading attachments, and eligibility to win free giveaways. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. Create a FREE Traders Laboratory account here.

Mysticforex

Joke of The Day!

Recommended Posts

Santa’s Bad Day

 

One particular Christmas season a long time ago,

Santa was getting ready for his annual trip.

 

But there were problems everywhere.

 

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did

not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones.

 

So Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being

behind schedule.

 

Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming

to visit, and this stressed Santa even more

 

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that

three of them were about to give birth, and two had

jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where.

 

More stress.

 

Then when he began to load up the sleigh one of the

boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and

scattered the toys.So, frustrated, Santa went into the

house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

 

When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the

elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to

drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider

pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over

the kitchen floor.

 

He went to get the broom and found that the mice had

eaten the straw end of the broom.

 

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritable Santa trudged

to the door. he opened the door, and there was a little

angel with a great Christmas tree.

 

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa.

Isn’t it a lovely day. I have a beautiful tree for you.

Where would you like me to stick it?”

 

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
not nice :confused::roll eyes:
Yeah ... I forgot to include the second last line of the story ... sorry.

 

Here it is:

 

On seeing the little angel, Santa immediately smiled and said: "So nice to see you, little angel. Just pop the tree in the far corner for me. I will be going on my toy-delivery run shortly - so would you mind staying on top of the tree to keep an eye on things while I'm gone?"

 

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!

 

:rofl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah ... I forgot to include the second last line of the story ... sorry.

 

Here it is:

 

On seeing the little angel, Santa immediately smiled and said: "So nice to see you, little angel. Just pop the tree in the far corner for me. I will be going on my toy-delivery run shortly - so would you mind staying on top of the tree to keep an eye on things while I'm gone?"

 

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!

 

:rofl:

 

LOL :rofl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah ... I forgot to include the second last line of the story ... sorry.

 

Here it is:

 

On seeing the little angel, Santa immediately smiled and said: "So nice to see you, little angel. Just pop the tree in the far corner for me. I will be going on my toy-delivery run shortly - so would you mind staying on top of the tree to keep an eye on things while I'm gone?"

 

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree!

 

:rofl:

 

if you think I believe that's the ending, you can be the angel ... :rofl: :haha:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Spirit of Boxing Day: It was just after Christmas and the judge was in a festive mood. He asked the prisoner in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'

The prisoner replied, 'Doing my sales shopping too early.'

'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'

'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

two articles gave me a laugh......

 

From the Fitz files Sydney Morning Herald.....

 

"So, there I was. About to board a military flight on a Hercules, from the Australian base at Kandahar in Afghanistan, to head up to Kabul to continue our entertainment tour for the troops. To my amazement, despite our flight being filled with heavily armed soldiers in flak jackets and helmets, we still had to go through screening. And wouldn't you freaking know it? No matter that the 10 soldiers in front of me all placed on the conveyor belt everything from machine guns to pistols to - I swear - a bazooka, who do you think is the poor bunny pulled over by the guards for carrying contraband. Me! And my sin? Carrying a laptop computer. I was led away. It was explained that if we hit turbulence, my laptop would be a danger to the helmeted others. Yes folks, it used to be that the pen is mightier than the sword, but these days the laptop trumps the bazooka every time.

 

Read more: Shoot the myth, computers could kill

 

 

...........

second - AIG is looking/deciding/contemplating if it should sue the US government for too onerous terms regarding its bailout. I bet Goldmans and the others are rubbing their hands together as well.

(too many news articles to warrant posting any particular ones - but pure gold )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

October 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:

 

Terrorists Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernias 18,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 133,172

Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 999,350

Natural Blondes 3

 

 

It was also discovered that 335 members of the Senate and Congress had no balls.

 

Thought you'd like to know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tams, I was relieved to see that they discovered that there was an even number of breast implants!

 

Now ...

 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have

produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it!)

 

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas

is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out

to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

 

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes!

(O.M.G!)

 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Kids: Don't try this at home!)

 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(So why does a damn PIG have the half hour orgasm!?!? Do the Dolphins know about the pig?)

 

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

(Still not over that pig thing!)

 

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmm.....)

 

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

 

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

 

You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than

by a poisonous spider.

 

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer

than left-handed people do.

 

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

 

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its

own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the govt. pay for this research??)

 

Polar bears are left handed.

(If they switch, they'll live longer!)

 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. That makes the catfish

rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

 

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human

jumping the length of a football field.

(Thirty minutes ... lucky pig ... Can you imagine?)

 

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.

(Can't stop thinking about that pig!)

 

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached

to its body The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....")

 

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I still want to be a pig...quality over quantity!)

 

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know!))

 

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

 

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight

(More of your money spent in government research, to uncover that little gem!)

 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

(I know some people like that)

 

Starfish don't have brains.

(Be careful of people who tell you: "You're a star!")

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is corruption everywhere - EVERYWHERE ... even in the

telling of a famous fable!

 

Yes, Siuya - I am claiming "corruption!" In order to right this serious

wrong, and restore the truth of the matter, I re-tell the story, with the

original cast of characters, and the truth, facts and sequential

outcome as it happened! In pursuit of truth!

 

THE STORY OF THE SPARROW

 

On a beautiful winter day in Siberia, encouraged by the warm rays of the sun

in a clear blue sky, a little sparrow left the security of his nest to fly and frolic

in the air, but the 40° below zero temperature quickly overcame the imprudent

bird who fell to the ground, frozen, and found himself buried in the snow where

he would certainly have died in an instant.

 

But by chance a cow trotted by at that moment, and at the very spot where

the sparrow was struggling for his last breath, she dropped a large soft cow-dung

on top of the bird. The warmth of this dung-bath resuscitated the moribund sparrow.

 

He was so happy, he raised his head out of the cow-shit and started to twitter

joyfully, which drew the attention of a wandering homeless cat who delicately

pulled the sparrow out of the shit and devoured him.

 

The moral of this story:

 

Your enemy is not necessarily the one who shits on your head.

 

Your friend, however, is not necessarily the one who pulls you out of the shit.

 

And besides, one should never twitter when one is buried in shit.

5aa711b15df5e_Myfriend.jpg.a1a7a6453c2391ece80cfaec59208837.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You know why they call them brokers?

 

Because after you sign up with them you become broker than you were before you started.

 

he's the broker, you are the brokee. (or simply... broke).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lancelot & the Witch

 

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a

neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved

by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as

long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year

to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would

be put to death.

 

 

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex

even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an

impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the

monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

 

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,

the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,

but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

 

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have

the answer..

 

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the

kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

 

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to

the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to

agree to her price first.

 

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights

of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

 

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only

one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never

encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

 

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden;

but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

 

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the

preservation of the Round Table.

 

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question

thus:

 

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

 

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great

truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

 

And so it was,the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and

Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

 

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific

experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him... The most

beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded

Lancelot asked what had happened.

 

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared

as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the

time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

 

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

 

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to

show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch ?

Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a

beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

 

What would YOU do?

 

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT.....make YOUR choice before you

scroll down below. OKAY?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

 

 

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

 

 

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

 

 

Now....what is the moral to this story?

 

Scroll down

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

The moral is....

 

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

 

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

 

Surely Oscar Pistorious cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!

 

I take it Oscar Pistorius' girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

 

Absolutely shocking news from South Africa.

White man arrested for murder.

 

What do you call a room full of dead people?

An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'' :doh::doh:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Thx for reminding us... I don't bang that drum often enough anymore Another part for consideration is who that money initially went to...
    • TDUP ThredUp stock, watch for a top of range breakout above 2.94 at https://stockconsultant.com/?TDUP
    • How long does it take to receive HFM's withdrawal via Skrill? less than 24H?
    • My wife Robin just wanted some groceries.   Simple enough.   She parked the car for fifteen minutes, and returned to find a huge scratch on the side.   Someone keyed her car.   To be clear, this isn’t just any car.   It’s a Cybertruck—Elon Musk's stainless-steel spaceship on wheels. She bought it back in 2021, before Musk became everyone's favorite villain or savior.   Someone saw it parked in a grocery lot and felt compelled to carve their hatred directly into the metal.   That's what happens when you stand out.   Nobody keys a beige minivan.   When you're polarizing, you're impossible to ignore. But the irony is: the more attention something has, the harder it is to find the truth about it.   What’s Elon Musk really thinking? What are his plans? What will happen with DOGE? Is he deserving of all of this adoration and hate? Hard to say.   Ideas work the same way.   Take tariffs, for example.   Tariffs have become the Cybertrucks of economic policy. People either love them or hate them. Even if they don’t understand what they are and how they work. (Most don’t.)   That’s why, in my latest podcast (link below), I wanted to explore the “in-between” truth about tariffs.   And like Cybertrucks, I guess my thoughts on tariffs are polarizing.   Greg Gutfield mentioned me on Fox News. Harvard professors hate me now. (I wonder if they also key Cybertrucks?)   But before I show you what I think about tariffs… I have to mention something.   We’re Headed to Austin, Texas This weekend, my team and I are headed to Austin. By now, you should probably know why.   Yes, SXSW is happening. But my team and I are doing something I think is even better.   We’re putting on a FREE event on “Tech’s Turning Point.”   AI, quantum, biotech, crypto, and more—it’s all on the table.   Just now, we posted a special webpage with the agenda.   Click here to check it out and add it to your calendar.   The Truth About Tariffs People love to panic about tariffs causing inflation.   They wave around the ghost of the Smoot-Hawley Tariff from the Great Depression like it’s Exhibit A proving tariffs equal economic collapse.   But let me pop this myth:   Tariffs don’t cause inflation. And no, I'm not crazy (despite what angry professors from Harvard or Stanford might tweet at me).   Here's the deal.   Inflation isn’t when just a couple of things become pricier. It’s when your entire shopping basket—eggs, shirts, Netflix subscriptions, bananas, everything—starts costing more because your money’s worth less.   Inflation means your dollars aren’t stretching as far as they used to.   Take the 1800s.   For nearly a century, 97% of America’s revenue came from tariffs. Income tax? Didn’t exist. And guess what inflation was? Basically zero. Maybe 1% a year.   The economy was booming, and tariffs funded nearly everything. So, why do people suddenly think tariffs cause inflation today?   Tariffs are taxes on imports, yes, but prices are set by supply and demand—not tariffs.   Let me give you a simple example.   Imagine fancy potato chips from Canada cost $10, and a 20% tariff pushes that to $12. Everyone panics—prices rose! Inflation!   Nope.   If I only have $100 to spend and the price of my favorite chips goes up, I either stop buying chips or I buy, say, fewer newspapers.   If everyone stops buying newspapers because they’re overspending on chips, newspapers lower their prices or go out of business.   Overall spending stays the same, and inflation doesn’t budge.   Three quick scenarios:   We buy pricier chips, but fewer other things: Inflation unchanged. Manufacturers shift to the U.S. to avoid tariffs: Inflation unchanged (and more jobs here). We stop buying fancy chips: Prices drop again. Inflation? Still unchanged. The only thing that actually causes inflation is printing money.   Between 2020 and 2022 alone, 40% of all money ever created in history appeared overnight.   That’s why inflation shot up afterward—not because of tariffs.   Back to tariffs today.   Still No Inflation Unlike the infamous Smoot-Hawley blanket tariff (imagine Oprah handing out tariffs: "You get a tariff, and you get a tariff!"), today's tariffs are strategic.   Trump slapped tariffs on chips from Taiwan because we shouldn’t rely on a single foreign supplier for vital tech components—especially if that supplier might get invaded.   Now Taiwan Semiconductor is investing $100 billion in American manufacturing.   Strategic win, no inflation.   Then there’s Canada and Mexico—our friendly neighbors with weirdly huge tariffs on things like milk and butter (299% tariff on butter—really, Canada?).   Trump’s not blanketing everything with tariffs; he’s pressuring trade partners to lower theirs.   If they do, everybody wins. If they don’t, well, then we have a strategic trade chess game—but still no inflation.   In short, tariffs are about strategy, security, and fairness—not inflation.   Yes, blanket tariffs from the Great Depression era were dumb. Obviously. Today's targeted tariffs? Smart.   Listen to the whole podcast to hear why I think this.   And by the way, if you see a Cybertruck, don’t key it. Robin doesn’t care about your politics; she just likes her weird truck.   Maybe read a good book, relax, and leave cars alone.   (And yes, nobody keys Volkswagens, even though they were basically created by Hitler. Strange world we live in.) Source: https://altucherconfidential.com/posts/the-truth-about-tariffs-busting-the-inflation-myth    Profits from free accurate cryptos signals: https://www.predictmag.com/       
    • No, not if you are comparing apples to apples. What we call “poor” is obviously a pretty high bar but if you’re talking about like a total homeless shambling skexie in like San Fran then, no. The U.S.A. in not particularly kind to you. It is not an abuse so much as it is a sad relatively minor consequence of our optimism and industriousness.   What you consider rich changes with circumstances obviously. If you are genuinely poor in the U.S.A., you experience a quirky hodgepodge of unhelpful and/or abstract extreme lavishnesses while also being alienated from your social support network. It’s about the same as being a refugee. For a fraction of the ‘kindness’ available to you in non bio-available form, you could have simply stayed closer to your people and been MUCH better off.   It’s just a quirk of how we run the place and our values; we are more worried about interfering with people’s liberty and natural inclination to do for themselves than we are about no bums left behind. It is a slightly hurtful position and we know it; we are just scared to death of socialism cancer and we’re willing to put our money where our mouth is.   So, if you’re a bum; you got 5G, the ER will spend like $1,000,000 on you over a hangnail but then kick you out as soon as you’re “stabilized”, the logistics are surpremely efficient, you have total unchecked freedom of speech, real-estate, motels, and jobs are all natural healthy markets in perfect competition, you got compulsory three ‘R’’s, your military owns the sky, sea, space, night, information-space, and has the best hairdos, you can fill out paper and get all the stuff up to and including a Ph.D. Pretty much everything a very generous, eager, flawless go-getter with five minutes to spare would think you might need.   It’s worse. Our whole society is competitive and we do NOT value or make any kumbaya exception. The last kumbaya types we had werr the Shakers and they literally went extinct. Pueblo peoples are still around but they kind of don’t count since they were here before us. So basically, if you’re poor in the U.S.A., you are automatically a loser and a deadbeat too. You will be treated as such by anybody not specifically either paid to deal with you or shysters selling bejesus, Amway, and drugs. Plus, it ain’t safe out there. Not everybody uses muhfreedoms to lift their truck, people be thugging and bums are very vulnerable here. The history of a large mobile workforce means nobody has a village to go home to. Source: https://askdaddy.quora.com/Are-the-poor-people-in-the-United-States-the-richest-poor-people-in-the-world-6   Profits from free accurate cryptos signals: https://www.predictmag.com/ 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.