Coulda woulda shoulda

[james_gsx 16]

I found an old blog that I wrote back in February when I still worked at Best Buy. For some reason it really kicked me in the butt to get going and I started working really hard with my trading. Now here I am, in the same position. Everything seems to be slowing down, everything will get down tomorrow, and I never seem to act. I sleep in all the time, get work done late, and I have little motivation. Yet reading the quotes I found in my blog I find myself wondering why I'm not doing anything. I can't be successful without doing anything. I have a ton of respect for those of you who get on every morning and trade, I need to find a way where I can discipline myself to do the same.

 

 

These is the last part of my blog, tell me what you all think about it.

 

I need to start trading today, it will pay off. If I start now and fail, so what? I will find a way to get back up and do it again. I love to learn, some may disagree since my little high school incident, but I really do. I just learn, and don't do anything. Thats pointless and I'm seriously sitting here going to waste.

 

I need to stop whining and do something. Starting now, not next month, not next week. But right now. I don't want to look back and say, wow I should have done that, I could have, and I would have. Too many people do it, including myself. I need to execute.

 

Read these great quotes from Roosevelt:

 

"...the man who really counts in the world is the doer, not the mere critic-the man who actually does the work, even if roughly and imperfectly, not the man who only talks or writes about how it ought to be done." (1891)

 

"Criticism is necessary and useful; it is often indispensable; but it can never take the place of action, or be even a poor substitute for it. The function of the mere critic is of very subordinate usefulness. It is the doer of deeds who actually counts in the battle for life, and not the man who looks on and says how the fight ought to be fought, without himself sharing the stress and the danger." (1894)

 

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." (1910)

[thetradingdoctor 10]

This is great stuff, james gsx, and my heart goes out to you? It is one thing to read such fantastic motivational quotes, much the same as traders go from book to book looking for the Holy Grail and end up with tons of books and maybe a pearl or two.

 

You appear to be doing the same thing now as you were in February.

 

What do you think is holding you back from doing what you seem to think you should be doing? Are you sad, depressed, going through some awful time with a relationship? Or, are have you been losing more than winning lately?

 

What do you believe is the reason or reasons that you are sleeping in and procrastinating?

 

How many others on this forum have had similar experiences or insights to share with james?

 

 

Thanks!

 

Doctor Janice

[Nvesta81 10]

If you have trouble getting up in the morning to trade perhaps trading is not your true passion? I use to have trouble getting up in the morning for work because I hated my job but since I'm now a full time trader I eagerly anticipate every new day to wake up and trade. This business is hard even for those who love it --I definitely don't recommend you do it if you're not truly passionate about it...

 

I guess the only advice I can give is it shouldn't be something you have to force upon yourself, it should be something you enjoy doing. If I'm totally wrong here, perhaps like the Doctor says, you may have other things in your life right now that you need to resolve to get that motivation you seek.

[Soultrader 12]

I agree with Nvesta. When I go to the office, I keep my head high because I absolutely love what I do and not many people can say that. If Im tired (which I usually am from lack of sleep), I suck it up with 3 quick cups of coffee. By the end of day I usually have 6-8 cans of coffee in me. Sleeping in usually indicates a sign of depression and fear. You dread waking up because you fear the task you are dealt with. I myself have gone through this in the past. (not with trading) My advice is that if you are having difficulties achieving success in trading... observe, learn, and paper trade for a while. Build some confidence in your trading, gain some insights and go after your dream when you are ready. I rushed myself early in my trading career because I was so hungry to achieve success. That actually stalled my progress for 1.5 years and found myself in debt. Hunger and motivation is good... but in this game, you cant rush too fast because your capital flies as fast as you rush. In the early stages, focus on crafting your skill. Through time, experience, and expertise in one market/strategy/methodology, money will flow naturally. Once youve built the foundation, then you can start trading aggressively.

[Nick1984 10]

I think that age has a lot to do with it. You're still in your teens and even though I'm not very much older than you, when I think back I can still remember that I was a very different person now than I was 4 years ago.

 

In reading a lot of your posts since you joined to forum I think that what you've done is that you're trying to grow up too quickly. You're a very mature young man with a good head on your shoulders but you also seem to be in a real rush to become a successful entrepreneur, a millionaire before you're thirty etc. These are a lot of pressures that you're heaping upon your shoulders and it's no wonder you can feel down.

 

Why don't you just take some time off trading for a long time and just enjoy your youth while you still have it? Go on an overseas trip for a whole year and see the world. Expand your cultural horizons. Go see Venice, the Eiffel Tower, The Great Wall of China, the Pyramids etc... These are experiences that will live on with you your whole life. Have wild flings with random chicks and enjoy being reckless while you still don't have all the responsibilities that full adult life brings. You have your whole life ahead of you to worry about that stuff!

 

I don't think that things like paper trading etc will be a cure to your ills. Always remember "you're only as young as the woman you feel" heheh had to throw that in.

 

On a totally unrelated note and small hijack: Soul, you have coffee in cans in Japan? Is it carbonated..? lol sounds funny.

[james_gsx 16]

I've noticed I do this just before I get a break in my life. For example back in February I felt like this just before I started using real money, now I'm about to get my series 7. It's almost as if I hit the brakes before making the move.

 

I'm not afraid to trade when I wake up in the morning, I'm just too tired to move. I did the same thing my last year of high school maybe it is depression I don't know.

 

Going on a year long trip sounds like a great idea, but I don't have the kind of money to do that lol My parents wouldn't approve of it either, they view it as if I'm not in school then I should be doing something productive with my life.

 

I'm not very passionate about my job at Nordstrom, I like the people I work with but I have no motivation going in every morning. I'd much rather be at home trading, but I don't seem to do much of that either. I'm either a very hard, dedicated worker that doesn't stop or I just sit around and watch the world go by. There doesn't seem to be a happy medium, and it all goes in phases. I'm going to Texas Saturday to visit my sister for a week. I really think that will help get my mind off of everything.

 

A lot of it simply comes down to self discipline. I need it to go to bed at night, not 3 am like I usually do. I need it to push myself out of bed and not think about how comfortable my bed is. I need it to want to be successful, I have to remind myself that great things don't come easy. A trading life won't be handed to me, I have to work for it. Tonight I get home at 10, and I will make sure I'm in bed by 11 so I can get up at 5:30 tomorrow and write my trading plan. If I write the plan tonight then I will get distracted like usual and I won't go to bed until 3. If I don't follow through with this plan I am only hurting myself, so I have to ask myself how serious I really am about everything.

[Soultrader 12]

Youre right on point james. Trading alone is difficult at times to continously discpline yourself. Try to get into the habit of that work schedule and lifestyle. I think I heard this from Hubert before but a habit takes repitition of no less than 21 consectuve days in order for it to become a habit. Really focus on creating that lifestyle rotating around trading. Remember trading is not entertainment or a hobby. It is a life-time dedication and if you can retire successfully from it by the time you are late 30's consider it an amazing achievement. Im usually in bed by 11pm and up by 5am everyday. I am pushing myself now because trading is my passion. Yet, I do not plan to trade when im over 40. (ideally) I have alot of other things I want to do in my lifetime.

[brownsfan019 17]

James_gsx,

It looks like to me that you lack the motivation at times to be serious about your trading. And that's fine at your age. I don't recall your exact age, but I believe you are a teenager or thereabouts. It's ok to jump around from things at your age. That's part of growing up. The markets are not going anywhere. Right now you should try a few different things and see what you like the best. If it ends up the market is where you want to be here, she'll be here with open arms waiting for your return.

 

With that being said, it looks like when you are dedicated to your trading that you have your stuff together. If you find that trading is what you want to do seriously, you have plenty to build off of. In my opinion, you are light years ahead of kids your age. I wish I had learned of TA and all that when I was in high school or college.

 

Don't stress to much about this James, just enjoy your time as a young adult. It goes by WAY too fast. Before you know it, you'll have a mortgage, wife and kids to feed.

[thetradingdoctor 10]

Hi James,

 

Thank you for stepping up and asking for help and guidance. If you don't mind sharing in total anonymity ( except for your screen name), please tell me something about your living situation, your work schedule and your trading schedule? This will really help me understand better what is going on with you.

 

My concern, like others on this list, is that you might be trying to push yourself in too many directions at one time. Often when this happens, our brain and body become very confused, don't know what to do and shut down ( so as to do nothing). I see this in certain types of behaviors related to depression, attention-deficit or obsessive-compulsive traits.

 

It is possible that you are just too busy to do any one thing and do it so well that you actuallly enjoy it. Why is it that you do not get home until 10PM? How can you possibly expect to be functional at anything ( let alone get up at 5:30 or 6 in the morning, when you go to bed at 3 AM?

 

Everyone needs adequate rest, down time, thinking time and time to be human BE-ings rather than human DO-ings.

 

Please let me hear from you about what is going on, James and thanks!

 

 

Also, James---I adore you, but I am totally concerned about the amount of caffeine you are taking in. Caffeine in moderation actually has beneficial effects, but if you are using it as a crutch to stay alert, you are risking dependence on caffeine and possible deleterious effects on your health as you get older. I realize you are young now, and probably lots of people in your office are living on coffee and maybe cigarettes and maybe other substances. Please do what you can to begin detoxing your physical system. Your body and your trading will love you for it in the years to come.

 

If anyone on this thread has questions about diet, exercise and how to get and stay strong and healthy so as to be alive to trade for many years, please do not hesitate to ask me?

 

Thanks!

 

Doctor Janice

[james_gsx 16]

lol I am dependent on caffeine, it's gotten better but if I don't drink any for a few days I can feel the taste of Pepsi out of a cold can in my mouth and I crave one. I used to have mood swings (I would get really hyper when I needed a Pepsi). Soda doesn't keep me awake anymore, I just crave the flavor from the can (for some reason it's just the can and not any other form).

 

As far as my living situation - I live at home with my mom and her good friend who is more like a step dad. I work 9 - 10 hours a day at Nordstrom 5 days a week. Usually from 11-8 or 12-9 or 10. From there I go home and my second wave of energy hits and I stay awake all night. I go to bed anywhere from 2-3 am then wake up (or try) at 7 or 8 am. I've been doing this for years when I was in high school, when I sleep more than 6 hours I wake up with a bad headache and I feel like crap all day.

 

Once I get home from work - usually around 10 - I immediately hop on the computer and look at my charts. I do all that work and check the internals, etc. I send out a few emails to friends in the market and we discuss different strategies and things like that. I probably stop all my trading work around 12 am after I get home from work. After that I just sit around and watch tv and talk to friend then go to bed just to do it all again the next day.

 

There is a big reason behind why I work so much though. My mom used to be a major workaholic (still is though). She worked for PwC as a consultant and spent all her time traveling and I saw her maybe twice a week if I was lucky. I loved the money she made and the lifestyle. When my parents got divorced everything fell apart and now my mom makes half of what she used to make and lost her motivation. She still works an easy 12 hours a day but is plagued with debt. I made a vow to myself to never be in the same situation. I loved the lifestyle we had and I had a sneak peak to how much better it was for the really wealthy and successful people (I met a lot of her bosses who were making 2+ million a year). After that I loved the taste of success and was always looking for ways to be successful.

 

I can honestly say it's not about the money, it's about the feeling of being successful. When I was in 11th grade I got 1st place at state for a business plan I wrote and that was my first real taste of success. We flew to California for nationals and I had an idiot judge and I got up and walked away during the role play. Since then I have lost that motivation - it comes in waves but it has never been what it was.

 

I have come to realize I live two realities, a normal 19 year old that makes good money at Nordstrom and a young trader that has the potential to do great things and I think I'm really wealthy. Unfortunately I try to mix the two and I put myself in a lot of debt to get a taste of the lifestyle I want but I can't afford it and half the time I don't want to admit it. That keeps up at night sometimes and that puts a lot of pressure on my trading, because I get frustrated that I'm not there yet. But when I start trading, I forget about everything it's just me and the markets. It's like when I used to play soccer, I forget about everything and focus on the game everything else is a blur.

 

I understand I'm young and I've had a lot of people tell me to take a break. But you know just as well as I do how hard it is to take a break from this industry. It is truly addicting, and I feel if I take a break then that is more time I am doing nothing and the higher chance that I will continue to do nothing. Whereas if I'm working and finding ways to improve then I will always be successful and working hard.

[thetradingdoctor 10]

Thank you, James. Your honesty and open attitude are wonderful!

 

There is a lot here to think about, but one thing stands out and I would like to know more about it. That incident where you were in role play and had an idiot judge. You walked out and something happened. You motivation went and has never been the same. I am trying to understand what happened at that time.

 

Right now, I am coaching a couple of traders who are relating similar situations to me--one involving sports and the other with a job interview. Both of these people have said the same thing to me, i.e., it was an idiot coach and an idiot boss. They still feel that thing deep inside of them, and it is holding them back from doing what they need to do with trading.

 

Please let me know as I think what is going on with you is a large part of that experience plus the whole thing with the divorce of your parents.

 

You are very courageous for sharing this, James, and I thank you!

 

Doctor Janice

[james_gsx 16]

I'm not really sure what happened, I didn't win I know that much. I felt like everyone back home expected me to win and so did my teacher. I felt as if all that work really wasn't worth anything. When I won in Colorado I kept everything very simple and easy to understand, when I went out to California I made a lot of the plan complex and even the power point was over the top.

 

But really I'm not sure what happened either, I just never had the motivation again. I guess I subconsciously gave up and felt I let myself down. But I really don't know.

[Future 10]

Hi james_gsx,

 

Reading through your threads, you seem to express a tone of motivation. I think there is alot of pontential in getting to where you want to be as a trader. However, I do think you are rushing a step too fast and perhaps it is affecting the way you trade? For example, do you find yourself taking setups that you would of not taken going back to your end of day analysis? In hindsight it sounds easy but do you ever catch yourself going..."why did I do that?". Or do you find yourself breaking more rules than you ideally want? Are you thinking in terms of $ when price upticks or downticks?

 

Have you considered being mentored or coached? This may significantly help you decrease that learning curve and learn a more slow and stable way of trading. I think what can help is trading maturity. And this can only come through experience and constantly improving to control your emotions. New traders tend to be easily controlled by their own emotions which lead to overtrading. What I like to call a more high probability trading style is sniper trading. Basically, you are looking for 1-3 high probability trades that captures good intraday swings. For YM trading, instead of having 5-10 setups a day each aiming for 20 pts... limit the setups to 1-3 aiming for minimum 30-40 pts. Once you can get a hang of it, you can easily start trading more aggresssively.

[james_gsx 16]

You know, I used to take trades and later sk myself why i did that. But since I started trading futures and learning the futures market I am doing this less and less. Now that I have a system that works with my personality I have not done that since, sure I make mistakes and things like that but I'm not ever taking anything that shouldn't have done.

 

I never look at the $ value for every trade, when I take a trade I'm immediately looking for an exit to lock in my gains. Before I used to hate when people told me to take small gains as they add up. But once I realized I'm a scalper then that all stuck, and now taking 5-10 YM every trade is no big deal as I know it will build up. Maybe twice a day I will check my updated P&L but I'm more concerned with the points rather than the dollar value. I couldn't say that about myself two months ago, I have come along way.

 

I would love a trading coach as I know I do things that I am unaware of, yet a coach could show me. I think it would greatly benefit me.

 

I know a time will come when I make mistakes and get emotional, it's bound to happen especially with my age and being new to the futures markets. But I can't be ignorant and believe it won't happen to me - I did that once before and it turned out to be very costly. I found one thing that really helps me is discussing my views on the market with other people. I tell them what I see and give them my reasoning, this helps me understand the market better and maybe see things I previously did not see before.

 

Thanks to all of you for helping out with this, it has bothered me for quite some time and I'm glad I'm getting it all out. I am on vacation right now so I won't be trading, but I will check back here and post on the forums. I purposefully left my laptop at home so I wouldn't be tempted to download E-Signal and try trading or watching the futures minute by minute. I need some time away. I sold all of my equity positions Friday soI will just watch the market and not act on it. I think this vacation will be great for me as I will be able to reflect on a lot of things. I'm visiting my sister and she's great at talking to me and helping me learn more about myself, so I plan on discussing this with her as well. Good trading to everyone and good luck this week.

[thetradingdoctor 10]

Good for you, James for taking time away. I think vacations should be mandatory for all traders. Trading can be among the most stressful of all professions. It's cool to take time with family and friends away from the sound and fury and put things into perspective. Just remember not to stay away too long, James, as I would love to hear about your progress as a trader and your life plan going forward. Thanks for opening up and sharing and I am thrilled that this has been of some small help to you!

 

Thanks!

 

Doctor Janice

[PYenner 10]

It is what we do in our spare time that defines who we really are and where we are going. The mundane habits that take over are the ones that tell you where the rest of your life is headed. Your established habits are your real lifeplan, the real you, the default you that will keep returning until you reject that personality.

 

Only you can save you from yourself, an adult sinks or swims or treads water as a matter of choice, a test of character.

 

You rated the purchase of your car on credit as an achievement.

There is no achievement in a credit purchase, that is self deception.

It is the car that you can afford to buy for cash that you should be rating your achievement by and that is the car you should be driving.

 

You may have fallen into a drawdown trap, you can't afford to trade, the risk of losses that go with trading become amplified when your equity is low and the pressure comes on and the fun goes out the window. Your ability to trade is related to your net worth, not to your credit rating.

[james_gsx 16]

I never rated the purchase of my car on credit as an achievement, sure I got a loan but that was not the achievement. The achievement was the emotional value that came with the car and finally having something of my own. There are pros and cons to financing the car, but thats not what this thread is about.

 

Again, this all comes down to a lack of motivation. I don't go back wondering what I did right or wrong, I don't fear losses because I may not be able to afford something, I don't get pressure because of "low equity". It's really rather simple, I just don't give a shit.

 

I had an interesting talk with my sister yesterday about this very thing and interestingly enough she went through a lot of the same stages I did. There are a lot of family issues that I'd rather not dive into yet, but thats always had a negative effect on myself and the divorce is one of them. But I find myself believing that I shouldn't be successful, and I have to come to a point in my life where I need take control. I need to decide for myself whether or not I want to sit back and watch life go by or really go after something 100%. I think after I go after something and overcome all the small obsticles then I'll feel much better about myself. I am notorious for going after something only to get halfway, get bored, and walk away. I've never truley accomplished something 100% except for that 1st place finish in DECA - but even then I've never considered it a true accomplishment because I didn't win at the national level. I always figured state would be a cakewalk. Maybe you see something here that I don't.

[torero 10]

You know, I used to take trades and later sk myself why i did that. But since I started trading futures and learning the futures market I am doing this less and less. Now that I have a system that works with my personality I have not done that since, sure I make mistakes and things like that but I'm not ever taking anything that shouldn't have done.

 

Asking yourself why you took the trade is one every trader's mind when the trade went wrong, but only if it depends if you followed the trading plan or an impulsive trade. When you judged it as "why did I do that," it has to be in a proper context, or when you'll be judging from the perspective of win and loss and not good or bad execution on the trading plan. This is extremely important. I have 2 setups and I follow them, but there are days, the damn setups just don't pan out, but I have to keep in mind that they are setups of the trading plan, no questions asked.

[PYenner 10]

"I get frustrated that I'm not there yet. But when I start trading, I forget about everything it's just me and the markets. It's like when I used to play soccer, I forget about everything and focus on the game everything else is a blur."

 

That speaks volumes, brilliant.

 

"Maybe you see something here that I don't."

 

No, it was a total guess, looking for clues.

 

Nor is there anything necessarily wrong with changing your mind half way.

There are many goals that turn out to be not worth completing and you only see that as you get closer to them. Cutting your losses is then the sensible thing to do.

 

Coming second in my class was my preferred option, you come second in the state and one part of you says it should have been first in the national, another part says wtf good enough. I agree with the wtf good enough part.

That is healthy. Even Einstein didn't get where he wanted to go, wtf, be grateful for what does work while it still works coz we all end up senile anyway. wtf. Enjoy more and slave drive less.

 

Finding out what you do want is one of the tougher questions.

You have a darn good head on your shoulders, but that may not make things easier, it may make things harder, more complex, too much to balance.

Life does not offer many primo options, 2nd or 3rd best may have to be good enough, at least until something better does come up, which may happen once every 5 or 10 years and then only if you are on the lookout for that opportunity. It helps if you are doing something you like, or at least something you liked at the time you started doing it. Expectations and ambitions change with time, thats a good thing not a bad thing.

 

The defensive instinct that is bugging you may be about protecting you from impractical levels of expectation. A first prize is big, but a lifetime of ongoing progress is what we really depend on, a single success does not fill a lifetime.

 

You may find you get bored and frustrated with everything you become competent at (forget perfection) and find yourself looking for fresh challenges. If that is the case, accept it, understand it and expect it.

A-type achievers tend to be like that, flushing the john before they have finished peeing. Just grow your asset base along the way, opportunities tend to come in proportion.

[james_gsx 16]

Thanks PYenner, that post helps a lot.

 

I was writing in my journal tonight and came across a little self discovery. I currently have a feeling that has been digging through my chest for weeks, this feeling is far too common and it sucks. It's definitely a mix of depression and anxiety. I quickly looked back and analyzed where and how I first felt these symptoms, interestingly enough they are all linked.

 

In 9th grade my parents were getting divorced, for the first time in my life my grades were suffering. I went from an A student to a D/F student. I felt out of control, and ultimately failed my first class ever. I felt the same feeling then, and it was terrible. I often felt that way when my grades would drop, ultimately I had the feeling that I lost control and failed.

 

When I won first place at state for DECA that was a given, the real accomplishment was Nationals. Yet, I made it all so complex that just before the competition I had a similar feeling and felt out of control, and I failed.

 

My last relationship that actually meant something to me, and I had the same feeling the last few months we talked. Again, I found myself losing control of the situation and that lead to failure and we stopped talking. Right now, I feel as if my credit card debt is out of control. Is it really out of control? Not really, I make more in a month than all my credit card debt added together. In reality I could have it wiped out in less than a year. Yet for some reason, I feel as if it's out of control and that it will lead to financial failure.

 

But while writing in my journal I came across something that has never hit me like this before. The competition I won for DECA was e-commerce business plan, I am an entrepreneur at heart and I am pretty good at finding opportunities. While under the harshness of this current depression and anxiety I have found one of the greatest opportunities of my life. If I conquer this debt, then it will feel like the first major accomplishment of my entire life. The feeling will go away, as I will know that faced with the fear of failure I turned it into an opportunity for success. I can view it was a CFO walking into a troubled company and turning things around and making the company profitable.

 

After doing this I realized just how far off my current goals were. So I jotted down new goals and I plan on going over them while I'm still on vacation. I still have the feeling in my chest, but I'm excited to tackle the challenge ahead.

 

I have also decided to go back to school come next semester. I don't want to study anything related to finance, but something I will enjoy. I'm not going to lie, but this night of feeling like utter shit has turned into something big for me. I have never been this excited to go back to school.

 

The question and real challenge still stands, will I be able to go 100% and complete it, or will I stop halfway? I believe after finding one major root to my depression - the lack of control and fear of failure due to no control - that I can finally move on. It's like when you find a bad link your trading system and you correct it, thats how I feel. I will also keep writing in my journal and I'm going to go see a therapist. I can no longer ignore myself and the problems I've been facing for the last 6 years. I think I began a new chapter tonight and I thank all of you that have put input into this thread. This website has been a blessing in disguise. Tomorrow I will read this and most likely feel embarassed for putting it all out there, but what can you do?

[torero 10]

Everyone feels helpless in face of no control and letting fear control you. This is especially true in trading. The market does what it does and anyone who think he can control is a fool and the market will prove him wrong eventually. You have to let go of having control in trading and only control what is controllable. Uncontrollable: market direction and where it will go and where it will stop, controllable: where to set stop loss. It sucks if you think about it, you only have a small portion of control but this part is what makes a winner from a loser, a trader who can pull in profits in the long run. I see this everyday with myself, I can't control how the market behave but I can control how much the market is allowed to take away from me. That, my friend, is power and control!

 

Learning to let go of what is uncontrollable and focus on what is controllable, it's the right mindset to take to a next step to be a better trader.

 

When you take a whole picture of what is going on in your life, accomplish small goals and tasks will help minimize the BIGNESS of the problem. Focus of these tasks/goals will eventually solve the problem. Trading is the same, stick to the plan and eventually the money will solve itself.

 

Good luck, James and hope things work out. All rooting for your quick return!

[Guest cooter]

Right now, I feel as if my credit card debt is out of control. Is it really out of control? Not really, I make more in a month than all my credit card debt added together. In reality I could have it wiped out in less than a year. Yet for some reason, I feel as if it's out of control and that it will lead to financial failure.

 

This is curious, and reminds me of something I overheard on CNBC earlier this morning.

 

Something to the effect that back in the day, one's liquidity was how many liquid assets (i.e. CASH) that you had on hand, or could access easily. Now it seems some people - and lenders - think that the new definition of liquidity is the amount of accessible credit you have available on your credit line.

 

Go figure.

 

It's no wonder we're in this subprime mess, as the chickens have finally come home to roost. Those interest-free minimum payment jumbo balloon mortgages are finally about to burst, as they convert to regular, amortized payments that the no-doc, no-down undercapitalized borrowers couldn't possibly have qualified for traditionally.

 

Don't feel embarrassed, because you're already ahead of the pack at your age. Just don't get stuck in the "self-worth = credit-worthiness" mindset, and you'll be fine. Remember CASH not credit is still king, at the end of the day.

[Reaver 10]

I found an old blog that I wrote back in February when I still worked at Best Buy. For some reason it really kicked me in the butt to get going and I started working really hard with my trading. Now here I am, in the same position. Everything seems to be slowing down, everything will get down tomorrow, and I never seem to act. I sleep in all the time, get work done late, and I have little motivation. Yet reading the quotes I found in my blog I find myself wondering why I'm not doing anything. I can't be successful without doing anything. I have a ton of respect for those of you who get on every morning and trade, I need to find a way where I can discipline myself to do the same.

 

 

These is the last part of my blog, tell me what you all think about it.

 

Hey nice Teddy Roosevelt quote at the bottom. One of my faves from the military days. Very good quote. Good luck.

[PYenner 10]

James

 

"Tomorrow I will read this and most likely feel embarassed for putting it all out there, but what can you do?"

 

You are doing exactly the right thing. It is the reasoning power of your adult mind that is the hero that comes to the rescue of your wounded and bewildered emotional mind. It does not have the reasoning powers to "fix" the problem, it probably expects you to do the old flee or fight survival thing from the source of the pain. Thing is it doesn't even have enough brains to tell you that it wants the reasoning mind to put the pain to rest, you get to figure that out over the years along with all the other messes you have been figuring out how to clear up.

 

As a 9th grader you didn't have the reasoning toolkit in place, you learned to develop the toolkit piece by piece, thinking about each aspect of the problem, weighing the justifications for it and consequences of it, just common sense reasoning. As you analysed and judged each part of the big bogie, you put it to rest, a little at a time. You provided the rat brained emotions with a fix and they gave you peace, you got on with your life.

 

But you have never been back and examined the rescue job that your reasoning mind did. As a result your rat brain continues to see its stress reaction as an appropriate way to call for a rescue, it does not have enough brains to realise that its signals are way out of proportion to your current circumstances and cause you more damage than the problem it is complaining about. In particular the justifiable anxiety/fear/apprehension of another stress attack is enough to cause a stress attack.

 

It will probably have been the divorce that caused you to develop the reasoning mind that you now have, so it has a payoff even if it comes at a hell of a price. It is your best friend, your ability to be honest with yourself about the origins of the pains is exceptional, it is where most people fall down, they perhaps have an aversion for revisiting the area.

 

It helps to understand that the intensity might have been appropriate to the divorce crisis of a 9th grader's nightmare but is less and less appropriate to adult situations. Progressively get to see the emotions as an unwelcome intruder, not as part of "you", the reasoning mind. Do have discussions between your reasoning mind and the intruding emotion- "you again, what do you want this time, same as last time (ho hum been there, boring and pointless) or something new this time?"

"How about you sit over to one side for the moment and let me get on with the stuff I am wanting to do and I will have a talk to you tonight" "Its not like you have much useful to say, I seem to have to do the thinking for both of us and it seems like you cant even talk, sticking knives in me is a bit primative and excessive, there are better ways to communicate".

 

The important thing is that you do communicate with it, thats how you take the intensity out of it, examine the pieces, pull the foundations out from under each provocation, just common sense judgements. That how the 9th grader got his life back together, common sense, one piece at a time. That is still how you do it. Slowly identify the pieces, have a common sense look at it, fix it or dismiss it as appropriate. Perception and honesty.

 

It is probably called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression and anxiety are part of the mix. The stab in the heart, cut your guts out stuff is the signal at its worst. It is just asking you to think for it but it has a hell of a way of communicating, can't even tell you what the percieved threat is, you have to poke about in a swamp to get to the bits and pieces that it might be.

 

As you practice reasoning out the pieces and becoming familiar with the signals instead of fearing them, it eases the whole cycle, puts things into more comfortable perspectives. Before the signals become intense, seek out time to talk to them, do not shut them out they will intensify. The early warning stage is when you need to start admitting the intruder into the reasoning process and trying to figure out what the dummy is trying to tell you. The intensity gets way out of proportion to anything sane if you shut it out and refuse to do its thinking for it.

 

"ultimately I had the feeling that I lost control and failed"

This is the 9th graders nightmare and it is important to extract the elements of blame and guilt and defectiveness and apply adult common sense judgement to them in order to see them as false apprehensions, they are might be's, bogies, superstitions, they are not justified.

 

As far as the divorce goes, you could have no control, it was not in your hands. You only "failed" to do the impossible, it is the unreasonable nature of the expectation that is a "failure", you emotions don't know what is reasonable, you have to reason that out to put them to rest. Let the blame lie where it reasonably belongs, emotions that are incapable of reason and hang people without a fair trial. Conduct the trial, reason it out, pass reasoned judgement, what can you reasonably expect from a 9th grader?

Not even fit to drive a car yet...

 

Can a 9th grader fix a marriage from the outside, while the two adults on the inside have been trying for years and have been reluctantly forced to admit that the battle was lost years ago and that they now can only accept that it is over. They also lived with stress and trauma from it and separating is necessary to remove the source of the pains. You are not to blame for the split, you cannot reasonably be expected to have a magic fix for the split, it ain't your fault, you are not defective for failing to reason out an answer where none exists but you do need to recognize that no answer exists and that no blame belongs with it.

 

Its the same process with each of the pieces, in the end you are likely to realize that the stress signal is the only real defect/blame/obstacle and that it is not "you". That stuffed up mess is what nature inflicts on all of us, a seriously dumn and pointlessly painful inarticulate signalling system that likes to point the finger and the knives at you. It needs its nighmares to be reasoned out and put at ease, it wants reassurance, it is less than an infant, it is rat level IQ stuff, it needs help from the person with the brain. It needs your reasoned perspectives, honest judgments because all it has is unreasoned fears, nightmares.

 

"Yet, I made it all so complex that just before the competition I had a similar feeling and felt out of control, and I failed."

 

This is the stress reaction that comes with the threat of the intensity of the 9th grade nightmare. It is the threatened intensity that you justifiably fear, rather than the competition, mostly you thrive on competition. It takes time and practice to pull the rug out from under the bogie, instead it it pulling the rug out from under you. Seeing it as a bogie, a superstition from the rat brain, is a start, reasoning out what is justified and what is bogie will give the rat brain peace and reassurance. It is progressive, chip away at it, it can be moderated and any moderation encourages further continuing moderation.

 

You also say somewhere that the effort wasn't justified, I take a similar view.

The person that won didn't question its worth. One downside of having a critical mind is that you also pass judgements when others don't even ask the question. Your rejection of what you were being taught in school sounds similar, you judged it to be irrelevant. What you don't mention is anger, frustration or boredom reactions to the lessons. It is likely that there was an emotion blocking out the incoming information as fast as it arrived, rejection of garbage. If that is the case, recognize that emotions put up barriers and that the emotion comes from passing a judgement, that stuff is garbage.

I suspect you quit because there was nothing being gained from staying, not because you wanted to, quitting annoys and disturbs you, right?

 

You probably saw yourself as the odd one out, defective, nobody alse was having a problem. They didn't question the worth of the material, that is the difference. Your analytical mind probably makes you judgemental, impatient, intolerant and grumpy. That is where thinking more than others tends to get you. Sometimes it pays to be shallow but we don't exactly get a choice.

 

With the intruding emotions that put up barriers to learning, recognize that they come from a judgemental mind. Be less harsh in your judgement in order to set the barrier to one side when you try to learn stuff that you partly believe to be garbage. It makes the learning possible, but still a stuggle, practice helps.

 

These are best guesses, filter out what doesn't apply to you.

Hope it is some use.

[PYenner 10]

This is strange.

For 6 months I have been aware of an irrational area in my trading that goes with the biggest losses. It only ever happens on a falling market.

It is a silly as a possum in the headlights, when you trade that way roadkill is what you get. There is a home movie of me age 4 doing this fixated possum thing and it is comical once you get past the wounded pride. Thought it had fixed itself yet trading a falling market somehow brought it out.

Then identified a gambling trait that I had in the early teens and had disposed of, apparently not when the going gets hot.

Damned emotions, whoever invented them should be put up against the wall.

At least gimme an off switch for when there is work to do.

 

Two irrational bogies located in like half an hour after 6 months of huh???

Seems I no longer think about bogies as often as I should.

When you do get to be senile, a return to the past is what you get.

Hell I hope they don't let me wander down the road at night