jaysmith124

When does somebody cross the line, from enthusiastic, ambition, pride, dignity, confidence, and healthy egoism over to being narcissistic, arrogant, and egotistic? When he/she cannot put their money where their mouth is. The worst that can happen is that you are humbled. You will find out if you’ve crossed the line by trying. Like McMurphy, I am trying to escape from being controlled. I am being limited (stuck) by my own mind. I have felt it inside of me. Something has been stopping me from doing what I have to do to get to where I want to go. It is something deep rooted in the sub-conscious. The answer to confidence, and motivation, to “just do it”, has been on the tip of my tongue--just out of reach of my consciousness. Up until recently, it has been like, I was just not ready. Like the Chief, I have come to the point where I have had it. I can’t take it any longer. I am ready to break away. I don’t care what others think. It may be humbled back to the other side of the line into reality. Or, as I believe, I will be the awesome intrepid trader, I think I truly am, pulling money from the market everyday. I am documenting my results for at least thirty trades. Psychologically ready?

"we have chosen to be a doormat controlled by others" What I mean by "Doormat" is that we let people take advantage of us. In psychology, doormat syndrome is used to describe passiveness, or being submissive. Doormat Syndrome is where an adult survivor goes out of his, or her way, sacrificing their own happiness to please the other. This is when one chooses to be abused verbally, (psychologically) or physically. I am using the term to express how we, at times, accept abusive messages such as labeling that does not apply to us, yet we do not defend ourselves in the name of being magnanimous, “buying into it”, or being “walked on”, in the name of a higher goodness, which sometimes it is justified if in the Adult state, but other times it is abusive if in the Child state. A child who feels helpless, powerless, inferior, and feels like a victim who sacrifices their self worth, esteem, self-image, dignity, significance, and self-respect. It is your ego that holds these values. I say choose to be this way, because we can find this passive communication, and/or behavior, habitual, as does others, in our relationships. Others who’d rather you not change. They like you the way you are. We think, and feel, like a victim of our circumstances. When this passive/submissiveness happens in other areas in our life we are in a child state, a state that is reflected in the markets. We attribute events to forces outside of ourselves. . When the truth is that a child contaminate adult reacted with passive behavior sacrificing what is in the adults best interests. Instead, the adult chooses to be assertive respecting his/her own rights, a right to stay on a planned path of growth, while respecting others rights. One must respect his/her own rights first before others. One must love him/her self, before truly loving others, etc. Others will incorrectly call you selfish. This is when you check yourself, but most of the time it will be a comment made by someone who wants to control your behavior either directly, or indirectly. The good ego reflects our values of self-esteem, self-image, and significance. Values we do not want to violate. It is from an Adult state that we respect these values, and it is the Adult state that we respect the rights of others. But we don’t want to passively give away our power/control, and rights, to please others aggressiveness--an aggressiveness that does not respect your rights. It is from a false ego that we will enter a child state, and become self-destructive, or disrespect others. I conclude with the fact that we need to check our ego at the door, not leave it at the door. But, preferably, we need to establish a healthy ego devoid of a false ego in all areas of our lives. It is a choice to stay in our Adult state. It is the state where we first base our decisions on reason, logic, and the present. Uncontaminated by, often, destructive emotions of the Parent, or Child, states that come from past, or future, thoughts.

Be aware of others messages. How the mind can misinterpret what others say. How somebody eles truth may not be applicable to your truth, and how the most accurate truth may not fit either your truths. (Beliefs) There has to be a balance. “Trading Without Ego” is in reference to bad ego. It is an ego that is masking insecurities about not being good enough, the truth, and limiting personal growth. Enthusiasm, ambition, pride, dignity, confidence, and a healthy egoism may appear threatening, and misinterpreted, by others. Someone will easily label us as being narcissistic, arrogant, and egotistic. Epigones will follow suit. If we are worried about what others think, you will adopt their beliefs in order to belong, feel loved, and to be accepted. We underestimate ourselves. We will have limited your potential by satisfy human needs and values based on others, and societal, expectations not what is in your best interest on a path of growth toward your potential, and peak experiences. We will have chosen to be a doormat controlled by others, and making us feel that we don’t have the right to be our own person. We can at least try to break away from our limitations. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKQcx1jzn4k&feature=related]YouTube - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: At least I tried[/ame] It is important to find where we fit in the realm between good, and bad. We need to understand, and capitalize, on our strengths. We need to unmask our weaknesses, foibles, all while appropriately satisfying human needs, and our most important values. To let go of what we cannot control, and go with the flow. To be in control of how we think, feel, and behave. If we have negative garbage in other areas in life such as ego, relationships, job career, finances, emotionally unstable from past traumas, it is reflected in our trading today. Trying to control situations is a defense to maintain a sense of safety and certainty. We need to break away by at least trying. Trying means summoning the courage to step into an environment of uncertainty. Poetic justice will leave us with a decision to change, quit, or relish in peak experiences. Many times an emotional trauma turns out to be the catalyst, and motivation for change. One day we just decide. Decide to break away from our limitations. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrQ9evXIIe4&feature=related]YouTube - One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Ending[/ame]

the first trade was ok. Then I made a mistake and shorting a different symbol that I wanted. I was under pressure at the time, currently looking forward to Monday. The anxiety I felt today has been examined, and dissipated. I will maintain 100 shares per trade until a green day and then consider raising it to 200 shares. Trading with 100 shares is where I need to be right now. Making the mistake brought on more anxiety than should have. I must have been beating myself up. Drive on!

Trade2: Break Even I am back in saddle! I feel that I am on the right path. Today's trade was break even, and I was on top of the second attempt, but froze. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda, had .80 cents. Later there was a couple more trade opportunities I let go. Both more than a dollar, so my spirits are up, my confidence is up, but feeling ambivalent. I have allowed the negative emotions of fear/doubt to overpower the positive emotions expecting to realize the reward. The emotional consequences of the reward. I am forgetting that I am only using 100 shares, and feeling the emotions as if I had used 2000 or more. I can't trade tomorrow morning, but Friday, I will need to constantly tell myself that the risk is so small that I don't need to feel such powerful emotions. What is the worst that can happen? I need to ask myself. The positive people who have helped with their posts will be proud of me, and then there will be some negative people who despise me. So what? The positive people are the one's who count in my world. Dr. FXGirl reminded me that I need to have fun. This gave me something to cogitate. I will focus on enjoying the process never losing a connection to the end result. Just as an NBA player focuses on dribbling yet has the basket in his peripheral vision. I believe that posting my trading results will be beneficial in one way to show myself that I have really changed. That other people's opinions, criticisms, ridicule, what they think of me, does not matter if it is not supportive. I am not afraid to be less than what I wish to be, because only then will I be able to move forward. I believe most are affected negatively by these non-supportive messages. From a competitive standpoint, people learn to bring you down or off your game, so that they will win. (psyche you out) Or, so that they will look, and feel better, about themselves. From the stuff I've read in ET, I am surprised nobody has come forward looking to debate. I'm glad, and would respond if they did. I am in no way trying to invite this type of banter. I am just sharing that if you have insecurities, about what others think, you can get over it. You can change. I believe I am in the top 10% of traders with the skills and ability, to win everyday.(big) It took 50 seconds for my limit order to cover to get lifted at break even. I am making note of this, because with 2000 shares, I would have been out with a market order with an 11 cent loss. Trade2.avi

Yes, it is all about me. I know myself much better today from the last year of work. You have me erroneously categorized. What you are saying did apply in the past. It was my ego that wants to trade 2000 shares, but I will control the urge for the first few trades, and try not to increase shares more than 100 shares at a time, or day.(after trading) I do not think with permanence, nor in absolutes. This would be the antitheses of thinking in probabilities. I remain flexible, and adapt, to the particular situation. So, if I feel confident, I will jump to 2000 shares for that particular trade. I am coming from simulated trading, and having trouble with pulling the trigger with real money. Although, what you talk about applies to many, it does not apply to me. I will prove myself shortly. You say that ...silent Jay has to put ego jay in the crib and keep him there This does apply in a way. Negative emotions are overtaking my psyche(my state of mind) as a child becomes diffident and feeling inferior. And then it does not apply, because a stronger ego is needed to keep me from going there.

I got distracted by attending a free chat room for this week(normally $125 per month), but I have chosen be passive letting it pull me away from my responsibilities. Both yesterday and today. Another day of woulda, shoulda, coulda. No chat room tomorrow.

This snap shot includes the date to show that I am not hiding any loses.

I did not trade today. I let a couple trades pass me by. I need to focus on a certain mindset ignoring the tendency to relax, and stay in a familiar place. A place that does not want to change. I felt good all weekend anticipating this morning, but then I was feeling groggy until I go to my computer. The only other change I made from the last trade execution(s) was that I increased the share size from 100 to 200. I want to feel enough discomfort to stay vigilant, yet not where it will change my state from confident assertiveness to overly cautious, or avoidance. This is a balance I will have to figure out as I go. I will go back to 100 shares until I finish tomorrow's trading with confidence. Or, I may decide to stay with 100 shares for a week. This may not have been the reason, or it may have only contributed, to me avoiding trade opportunities. But, it is reasonable for me to assume that it was possibly, and partly, responsible for my state change.

The conclusion (page 6) The best antidote to this dichotomy is to be as self-aware as possible— mindful of handed-down emotional limitations— and to stress personal strengths at the expense of personal weaknesses. Thanks, I want to add... that after mindfulness of our behavioral patterns, and knowing strengths and weaknesses, it is possible to change. Most people don't know how to change, and if they did, they're not willing to change. They find that it is too much work to examine and challenge deep rooted beliefs and values. When most people do make changes to their limitations, and behavior, they can't tell you what they did. It just happened. (like a teenager explaining why, and what, they did for to get their negative results to a CEO, or an A student, explaining how they got positive results) It comes down to how you feel. Do you feel comfortable, or uncomfortable? you can't be excited, determined, and persevere, if uncomfortable. Most of the time, just the thought of making changes makes one feel uncomfortable. If a change means that we experience discomfort we don't want to change our habits, or beliefs. You have to know what you want, and then get comfortable with it. A long time ago, I heard that most lottery winners are broke after 5 years. It is because they were not psychologically ready. They felt uncomfortable with such a windfall. Now, when a youngster gets picked by an NBA team, he goes through training to handle the sudden wealth. In the past many were getting into drugs, destructive behavior, and destructive spending. I have been helped with these thoughts. I have a dollar figure that I feel I have the potential of winning out of the markets on a consistent basis. I have never sat down and spent the time to imagine, and visualize, what I will do with the money. How will I handle the budget? A landscape that is presently unprepared could be limiting me.

I attached the daily resulting move on the Trade1. 2.67 cents from where I entered to the close. and I mentioned how I woulda, shouda, couda, have taken .90. This is my honest assessment. Also, this is the last time I will show a chart or symbol for the purpose is to show results. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable showing my entry and exit points.

Thanks, I work for a community mental health clinic a few hours a week. They will see any change in behavior. Thanks. I have read and researched before accepting Zoloft. I've heard these stories, and I am very careful. I have been on Zoloft for a year and a half while going through talk therapy. Some research told me that the combination of drug and therapy has the best results. Many are on drugs only. This does not work. Talk therapy will work without the drugs. So, I went with the combination wanting to be on a fast track to change my life for the better. Challenging my belief system was not possible on my own at the time. Whether or not the Zoloft helped, I don't really know. I stopped taking meds last November, and finished therapy a little over a month ago. I am very happy with challenging old beliefs and making changes with my world view. The BUPROPION I started yesterday. (This is funny telling the internet/world my dealings with mental health) And it is just an experiment to see if it helps. I will be trading anyway, and after I am trading with 2000 per trade, I won't be able to tell someone that the meds helped. I don't see it as risky, and it won't hurt. At the time I am at 2000 per trade I will stop with the meds. I can trade 2000 per trade. So, it should not be long before I build up to that size. I am looking at a month, maybe two. Then I will feel accomplished. Stop posting and slowly continue to increase size. I am familair with 2000 share executions, and I'll have to find out if I need adjustments with larger size. I use market orders to get out most of the time. Basically to get in as well with a leading limit order. (with 100 shares there is no need to lead the price for a complete fill. Also, many times I get a couple cents better fill than expected.) I don't look to saving penny's for the trade opportunities I look for are intra-day trends for the most part. Complete fills are most important when I am trying to get a dollar move. I feel I am on the right track with 100 shares. I am looking forward to next week.

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-amateur-currency-trading-20110403,0,588787.story something best left to professionals, according to personal finance experts. I find the word "Professionals" a misnomer. Professionals have have lost a lot of money belonging to others who trusted them.

Risk/Reward With Trade1, I had my focus on the risk. Not wanting to realize the risk had more emotional power than my desire to realize the reward. This misdirected emotional power compelled me to take action. (Self talk) I have changed a lot with my world outlook, but am dealing with a stuck point that puts emotional power on a negative schema when attempting to trade. I know what I need to do, and that is to place the emotional power on the positive schema, and emotional consequences. (desired outcome). Awareness of where my focus is directed will keep me from repeating this mistake. I will keep mindful of the effectiveness of my calculated risk/reward, and my behavior will change to allow the trading system to work. Beliefs plus action equals Results. Whether the beliefs, and supporting action is negative or positive, the results will probably, and can commensurately, be with its schema. We take action based on emotion, and what that emotion is supporting. I am currently experiencing stress/anxiety. It is probably good stress, but I think my history, and fear of being able to cope with success, throws me off my desired schema. I just called my regular Dr. to get he OK to take the medications prescribed from my psychiatrist. (I always double check when it comes to what doctors say) The psychiatrist told me, but I need to find out, if this medication will calm me down giving my mind the ability to make the necessary changes. I will discontinue the medication after my new belief is ingrained in my schema. I am not promoting medication. I have recently come off Zoloft, which I decided was not doing it for me any more.(I've gotten my tools to change from self talk), and this new medication will also be temporary based on my history.

I will call this the first trade out of a series that results will conquer my fear/doubt. I will replace this automatic fear/doubt from the past with present "Adult" confidence and self-efficacy. I am exposing(Or more specifically, desensitizing) to the irrational fears. Like that of a person getting over the fear of spiders. The psychologist puts a spider in the middle of the room in a jar, and has the client come in the room. Just hanging around near the walls. Then the next day get a little closer. etc. Until they can eventually take the spider out of the jar and hold it. Or, proving that my present rational belief is delusional. Either one, I'll know the truth, my goal. The video is real. The snap shot is what my Adult says I coulda, shoulda, woulda, made .90 cents done without the emotional garbage. P.S. The horizontal line on the snap shot is my entry sell. On the third 4 minute candle I got out when the price action returned to this area. I will learn from each trade. I will reinforce a new belief system. A belief system of an awesome intrepid trader! Trade1.avi

Yes, of course, I've been burned. (Humbled) It is all behind me. The experience gave a lot of power the resulting fear. I have taken most of that power away leaving acceptable stress levels. But we need balance. There is good stress and bad stress. I see it on a bell curve with the top of the bell being the optimum level of stress for peak performance. Just to the right we are being overwhelmed. I have been all the way down the right side of the bell. (Learned helplessness) Back to the bottom of the left side(good stress). I learned that I didn't want to ever experience that stress again, and somehow associated all stress as bad stress making me too cautious. I think I am about where the gauge on the attached is pointing.

I want to go on, and on, but I'll keep it short. Quickly, I don't think I realize the extent I deprive myself. I belief that patience will reward me. I'll spend more time building a foundation to work from so that am the best I can be. This is one justification for the way I am. I would not be surprised that there is hidden stuff. Wanting to post results will be a change from what has not worked for me. It may help motivate me. What I'd appreciate is that you, or anyone, who has read my post be specific as to why you see me torturing myself. I don't believe I see the torture as you do. I see it as necessary to get in a small percentage of people who can use the stock market as a money tree. "One man's pain is another man's pleasure" type thing. But then my foundation has been built for a while. I should have started doing what I know a long time ago.

It's all about psychology. As seen in this movie, "Limitless" 2011 ...introduces him to NZT, a new pharmaceutical that allows him to tap his full potential. But lets get real. If the Bupropion I was prescribed does not work, a cattle prod will have to do.[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOLqNOfzus4]YouTube - Limitless Movie Trailer Official (HD)[/ame]

I am feeling relaxed and confident. In this state, I have missed a couple opportunities. I am thinking about self talk I need to maintain Friday when I can trade. Even though the day is not over, I have resorted to getting psyched up for the next trading session. (Self Talk) This is a habit I must change. Change comes easy to me even though I am, sub-consciously, avoiding another trade. It takes continual mental focus and concentration. It is too soon to relax and reward myself for a good paper trade. Get with the program, Jay! Jay is obviously in a Child state. Kick him in the butt. Somebody needs to bitch slap the bastard. Like a soldier in training not wanting to jump out of a plane for the first time a drill sergeant is there to yell at the soldier instilling fear of not jumping. But sitting here by myself, it is easy to stay in a comfortable, safe, familiar psychological place. A change is in order.

I am going to attempt to post recording of my desensitization therapy. I will call my desire to trade 2000 per trade a phobia. I am currently afraid to pull the trigger. So, I will start with 100 shares and increase the share size based on the stress/anxiety level that I feel. I have appointments once in a while when I need to be somewhere or get ready to go (tomorrow Dr. appt. for example), but this is a paper trade. It has been hard for me to move from paper trade to even 100 shares. Just the thought of using real money triggers a state change from ADULT to a CHILD contaminated ADULT needing help. (this is irrational) I have a sound trading system. Bear in mind that I have more emotional garbage to deal with than the typical trader. I have a history of big losses from the past, which adds up to more than... And, ... But it is time to commit. I can't wait any longer. After the consistently pulling he trigger with 100 shares, I will get rid of the distorted thoughts/feelings of doubt/anxiety replacing them with confidence, and building self-efficacy. I will become an intrepid trader winning money every day like picking from a money tree. As long as my recording does not interfere with my executions I will continue posting until after I feel stress free with 2000 shares. The biggest hurdle will be the jump from paper trading to 100 shares. The results will validate my belief that I can trade for a living, and dispel any doubt that the belief is a fantasy. I will not be talking about why, and how, about my trading system. It does not matter the symbol for example, because I am focused on psychology. How I feel and mindfulness (aware) of why I am feeling a certain way. It will also show others that before they give their money to somebody who thinks they can teach you to trade how it is possible to request that they first prove their prowess. Personally, I will not give my money to somebody who can not do something that I want to try to emulate, or what I want to do. To bad I didn't have this belief before I gave my money away for basic information. Paper1.avi

I want to point out how limiting, unrealistic, behavior infects us. We have a need to want to be somebody. Want to be respected and valued. Basically, to be important. So much so, that we will lie, and deceive, even ourselves. Most of the time it is very obvious. Hence, we have the term charlatans. Who's behind that curtain operating the wizard of OZ? Some hide, and others think it is acceptable behavior. I was watching a French reporter who was along with, and reporting on the Libyan rebel fighters. Many was the first time they held a weapon. They were held down behind a sand berm. One guy was yelling at another to get down, get down, stupid! They eventually were taken out, but while on film, the one guy who was in charge got on the radio yelling to higher ups, that they had taken out 24 armored vehicles, and were forging ahead capturing so many miles of land. The truth was nothing of the sort. When you do not maintain an Adult state it is easy to caught up with your Adult being contaminated by either, or both, a Parent or Child states.

Steve has fear preventing him from executing his plan. Preventing him from thinking clearly, rationally, leaving him wondering why he took action against his common sense. I have attached an attempted trade to show that I was dealing with a similar situation. I placed an order to buy JNPR at 40.05, and missed it. I missed it but I am not adjusting anything. I felt like, Oh well. While analyzing the situation, and amagining how I would manage the position if I had been filled. Turns out that I would have stopped out near my entry price. Then another opportunity arose but my concentration was not ready for an assertive rebounding readiness. I populated my platform with a buy price at 39.86 as the price action moved up. Again I let it go without chasing it. I am not changing anything but my concentration to be ready for a speedier reaction to the set up opportunities presented to me. The fear that Steve experienced was the fear of loss. The fear that I use to have included, and came from, multiple sources. 1. Fear of loss 2. Fear of what others will think. 3. Avoidance of feeling humiliated 4. Avoidance of feeling embarrassed 5. Fear that if I win the way I can will attract, and cause, others I know to begrudge me. 6. Abandoned, because those I thought and wanted as friends will hate me. 7. Fear of regret. 8.Fear of uncertainty 9. Wondering what the price of fame, fortune, power. do I deserve it? 10. Fear of loneliness 11. Fear of giving away too much and empowering others. 12, Fear of being attacked. This was in the past until recently examining the possibilities of my fear based emotions, and breaking apart these irrational, exaggerated, fears. Replacing them with new beliefs that no longer carry the intense emotions from distorted thinking. It is a matter of thinking a certain way and acting a certain way. I have a belief(a standard heard from Ari Kiev) that if I am not making at least $1000 per day I should be doing something else. The day is very close and if it was not for understanding how my mind controls the brain (my persona wanting to be strong as it had always been didn't want to go there into the girly type journaling, and getting in touch with my feelings, etc.) A distorted belief in itself. I attached a video recording of when I placed the order and canceled it after the price moved away. Then a snap shot of the order. I wish teachers that lead you to believe they trade for a living would show their results. If they honestly state that they don't trade, then that is ok, but I was deceived by them taking advantage of my enthusiasm and false beliefs. So, when it comes to a negative world view, or positive world view, I can do either. When I enter a trade to buy, or sell, it is a gray area where we can choose what to believe. If I imagine the other side of my transaction is a person I have been wronged with, or of that character, I can choose to laugh with exuberant joy that I took their hard earned money away. Hopefully, leaving them in trouble with their wife. Or, I can choose to believe that the other side of my transactions are traders who are taking profits from earlier trades, or needing a position for a longer term trade where they will take profits at some point. Looking at the price action of JNPR, I would have a stop at 40. Currently, 40.03 P.S. VA hospital has Doctors who help combat vets get over PTSD. They don't know what it is like to be in combat, yet most are grateful for the help they are getting. Forgot to attach. Next time.

Yes, I am acknowledging, and giving myself credit, for being in control. Making good choices.

Yes, but don't hold yourself to reacting on this emotional trigger on cue. Continue with trades, and be aware of how the trades played out. After a number of trades review them looking for a pattern with a high consistency of playing out in your favor. Should I keep acting on cue? What are the results? What if I had given a certain certain amount of room for fluctuation? After an emotional cue that "this is it" is there a window for price fluctuation that I need to allow a before hitting my preconceived stop price? Would it be best to wait and enter the trades closer to the stop price? etc. For myself, i would use the term (I will become) confident rather than (it will become) automatic. But, the point is that you will change belief by continuously reinforce the connection between these thoughts and feelings with the action, which then provides a desired result (matching the most accurate,and probable outcome) Where your your sub conscious, or implicit, belief matches your conscious belief. (It is the implicit habits and beliefs that control us)

There are gray areas where we can take control to view it as we see it. That best fits our value and belief system. Some will see it with a negative world view, and others with a positive world view. It does not matter what another view is. If what, and how, one chooses to see it works for them than that's OK. Just remember that we weren't born to follow. It is up to each individual to test a new belief. (If on a path of change to find the optimum performance)